Life in Manchester, February/March

Tuesday, Feb. 9th ~ 2.5 weeks in to exchange

It’s harder to make friends than I thought. There is also another issue that has come up-Tyson can’t work out here and he will have to return to Canada. He is leaving on February 17. I’m trying not to think about it. I’m going to try really hard to focus on myself and improving who I am/questioning who I am/making who I am. But I’m really scared I’m not going to make many friends. To be honest, this hasn’t been at all how I imagined it would be. It’s actually really sucked so far. I hope everything will be alright.

Wednesday, Feb. 17th

Tyson left today.

Thursday, Feb. 18th

It’s funny how something so simple as making breakfast together can be so beautiful, and so heartbreaking when that person suddenly isn’t there anymore.

I think these next few months are going to be really vital in shaping myself into who I want to become.

Monday, Feb. 22nd ~ one month in to exchange

To be honest, I’m a little scared to go travelling by myself for spring break. I’m mostly worried that I’ll be really lonely.

Wednesday, Feb. 24th

I was walking to the tram station when suddenly, I got this feeling. I don’t know where it came from-if it was the sight of the first flowers popping through the ground or the rays of sunlight hitting my face, the feeling of falling into a routine, or simply people watching. But whatever it was, I felt that for the fist time in a very long time – and I do mean a long time, probably since my parents split up or maybe even earlier – I would be okay. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about school and what I want for my future and travel and health and so many things, and I guess I finally just realized that no matter what happens – if I fail all my courses, if I go broke from travelling too much, if I get lost, if I decide to drop out of school, if I graduate and still have absolutely no idea what I’m doing – I will be okay. It felt so good to feel that. I honestly have not felt that in so, so long. I feel like suddenly, I am seeing the world with fresh eyes.

Wednesday, March 2nd

I miss Tyson so much, I can hardly bear it. And it hasn’t even been three weeks since he left yet… I don’t know how I will survive.

Monday, March 7th ~ 1.5 months in to exchange

It’s Tyson’s birthday tomorrow and I’m really upset I won’t be able to celebrate with him. All I can do is hope that these next few months go by quickly so I can be back at his side again.

Wednesday, March 9th

If it wasn’t for my sisters and Tyson, I wouldn’t really have any reason to go back to Canada at all. I feel bad my sisters have to deal with all of this on their own, and I miss Tyson so much… but I really don’t want to go back. I have nowhere to go home to anymore.